Fit To See Print
by Zarius
Summary: Have we unlocked the truth in today's first headline? Or are we left turning the page?


**DANGER MOUSE:**

**FIT TO SEE PRINT**

**WRITTEN BY ZARIUS**

* * *

It's that time of the day again for the world's greatest secret agent, the world's most diligent sidekick, and the world's foremost scientific brain. Time to face the most perilous situations head on and all from the comfort of their living area.

That's right; it was time to read what the critics had made of their adventures in the papers.

"Oh look what I've got here Chief...**'Traffic Jam':** Penfold smears road to Buckingham Palace with slick and gooey trail to lure in renegade robotic pigeons"

"Does that contain the recepie for truth? Or is that another half-baked lie?"

"What are you talking about Danger Mouse? We all saw Penfold do that" Squawkencluck insisted.

"Are we sure all is as it seems? Or are you just blind to the truth?" asked DM.

"You're up to something. I don't like it. Cut it out"

"Show us what the science journals say about you today Professor" suggested Penfold.

Squawk proudly displayed the centre spread of an edition of _To the Science Of X (that's Ten, not X) and read aloud the article._

"**Piper's Peak**: Today Professor Professor Squawkencluck fitted a sentient piping network, connecting the Earth to the moon"

"Is this the story of plumbing with a mind of its own, or are we selling you a pipe dream?" said Danger Mouse

"You're doing it again" Squawk said, getting further irritated.

"Yeah, 'fess up Chief, why are you casting doubt on the stories being published about us?"

"Oh I'm just practising for my new honorary role as host of a series that wonders if fantastical tales found in the public domain are true or not" DM replied.

"But you have a firsthand account of these incidents in action; you even managed to unhook H.E.A.D from the sentient piping before it could coil around the Earth like a cobra"

"Did I really provide an eyewitness account, or was my nose as long as the lie?" DM replied.

"Ok, let's see what the press has been saying about you then" the Professor suggested.

DM felt a little apprehensive.

"You might not want to read that" he said

Squawk grabbed a copy of the Daily Start and checked the table of contents.

"It says you're on page 3" Squawk said.

"Oh, what juicy headline awaits us here? Or is story so big it needs covering up?" said Penfold.

Squawk looked at him funny.

"What? Just seeing how HE likes it" said Penfold.

"You really don't want to check that page" said DM.

"Oh don't be daft" Penfold responded, and turned the page.

His eyes widened, his cheeks grew bright red, and he sealed the newspaper shut with a swift clap.

Squawkencluck grabbed the paper off of him

"Penfold, why have you sealed this shut with welding glue?"

"Because some stories aren't fit for the public interest or yours" said Penfold.

"Funny, I thought page 3 was exclusively a _girl'_s feature" said Squawk.

DM whistled innocently.

Squawk swiftly caught on and patched in to her security cameras at the lab

"Computer, run back security cam index dated 24.07.19 and play from 6 AM through to 9 AM"

"I'd best see what my critics thought of today's episode, I believe you can find it in today's copy of the TV Guide, help me check it out will you Penfold?" DM suggested.

Squawk took a glimpse at the security footage, watching aghast as DM was again trying on her lab coats, hairstyle, and shoes and stuffing several of Dawn Crumhorn's plush toys down one of her bras to form a bustling chest.

"I'm ready for my close up Mr. Morgan" he said to a grey-haired lizard holding a camera.

As Squawk's primal screams of outrage could be heard resonating throughout the headquarters, DM and Penfold were curled up on the floor of Penfold's bedroom chamber thumbing through the TV guide.

Finally, they caught the review, an impression of the show by an American

"_One very good cartoon, 'Danger Mouse', is about a secret agent mouse fighting a villainous frog, it isn't drawn very well, but it's very funny. If you just count the words and not the pictures, this is the funniest cartoon since 'Bullwinkle'"*_

"What exactly is a Bullwinkle Chief?"

"No appreciation for the classics eh Penfold?"

Squawk's screams were eventually heard.

"What's she in a flap about?" said Penfold.

"She better watch what she says, I don't think any of those words are fit to see print"

_*Actual review of original show._


End file.
